Survival Training?
by LadyWordsmith
Summary: Seven Amestrian military officers on a required training mission. One forest. One campfire. Several bottles of liquor 'happen' to be along for the trip. Will anyone survive the weekend?


Authors note: This takes place at an as yet unspecified place/time in the They All Lived storyline continuum. ;) (Later than Chapter 13...that's all I will say for the moment!) I was tired...the boys decided they were drunk. Late-night written one shot. ;)

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"Oh, come on Edward, you have to tell them the one about the time you almost destroyed the deck," Roy nudged Ed sharply with his elbow. "You know, the one where Winry was so pissed she grabbed the industrial sized wrench?"

"Only if you tell them about how Riza almost shot you the time you set fire to the living room drapes trying to get rid of a cockroach" Ed countered, smirking.

"Hey, would one of you pass the bottle before it's empty? Some of us aren't entirely drunk yet!" Havoc cut-in loudly as he lit another cigarette.

Breda snorted and passed his. "There's more than enough for that," he replied, leaning back against one of the logs and staring into the flames of the fire in the center of the circle.

"Hey, sit downwind," Al complained, moving a little to avoid the cigarette smoke that carried right across the circle on the wind.

"That thing makes more smoke than I do," Havoc groused, gesturing with one hand at the fire.

"Smells better too," Falman smirked.

Feury chuckled from where he sat between Falman and Al. "So what are we supposed to be doing out here again?" he asked, mostly teasing.

"Survival training," Ed laughed, drinking from the bottle he still held before offering it to Al, who took a drink and passed it on. "Or that's what our 'fearless leader' here called it on the memo," he gestured grandly at Roy.

"Good thing we didn't invite the girls along," Roy chuckled.

"Yeah," Ed shook his head. "That's the survival part of this whole thing right there!" He could just imagine what their wives would be saying if they knew what was 'really' going on!

"The shouting or the smirking when we all drag in half-dead and hungover?" Falman chuckled. He certainly didn't look all that drunk, but then he was so calm most of the time Ed found it a little hard to read him at times. Especially not when he was definitely not sober himself!

"Well if you can't hold your drinks," Al shrugged and grinned.

Ed rolled his eyes. "Are you even drunk?" he asked his brother who, as usual, looked completely sober, even though Ed had 'seen' him drink from the same bottles as the rest of them.

"If you can't tell, I'm not telling," Al smirked back.

"I could start making lewd remarks about Elicia and see how you react," Ed waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"How about you don't," Al replied, the smile fading.

"Oh ease up," Havoc laughed as he took a long pull and passed the other bottle again. "You're the one who practically robbed the cradle after all. The rest of us still think of her as Hughes' little kid."

Al's face went bright pink, and Ed nearly fell off the log he was perched on laughing.

"Good thing we didn't invite Alex," Feury commented with a chuckle. The quiet man wasn't really any rowdier when he was drinking, but his sense of humor came out more. "Can you just imagine what he'd say about now?"

"This is 'most' inappropriate behavior! Completely unbecoming for officers of your stations. You should be ashamed!" Breda went into his best 'Armstrong' voice. It was an imitation he was far too good at really! It made Ed shudder. Much as he liked the man, Armstrong was best in 'small' doses!

Roy almost snorted the drink he was taking, but managed to swallow instead, coughing momentarily before handing the bottle around to Ed again. "Not too loud," he replied. "Or we'll find out his family has an uncanny ability to hear each other over amazing distances."

"Like a moose call?" Falman suggested, starting to go into a rather encyclopedia-tic recital of information about moose before Feury stuffed one of the bottles back into his hand instead just to shut him up!

"That's one hell of a moose," Havoc quipped.

"Quite," Breda nodded. "I prefer mine chocolate."

"Well that's obvious," Roy poked Breda's gut with the toe of his boot.

Breda slapped his food away with one hand and shifted so he was a little closer to Havoc instead; both men were sprawled on the dirt leaning back against the logs instead of sitting on them. "I'm not the only one here with a weakness for good cooking," he grumbled.

"Nah," Havoc agreed. "Most us just aren't lucky enough to have Ed's health problems."

Ed snorted. "Oh yeah, sure. You think it's easy? What is this, pick on Ed time?"

"Of course," Roy grinned. "It wouldn't be playing hookie if we didn't get to pick on someone too would it?"

"So pick on Al!" Ed pointed at his brother.

"Nah," Havoc laughed. "The novelty wore off of that too fast. You're always good for a rise and a laugh."

"I'm sure that's what Winry thinks," Roy replied with a snort of laughter before drinking from one of the bottles. Yeah, he was plastered.

"The laugh maybe," Havoc chimed in.

Ed felt his face flush. Some things really never changed! "Stature doesn't make everything proportional," he countered.

"Brother!" Al exclaimed.

Ed snagged a bottle from Roy and shoved it at Al. "You are 'not' playing by the rules here tonight," he smirked. If Al was still finding this conversation even remotely shocking, he was 'way' too sober! Of course, Al usually was.

"You've had enough for us both," Al countered, passing the bottle on.

"Lean-built doesn't automatically mean light-weight either," Ed replied with a cocky grin. "Right Kain… Kain?" Ed glanced over as Falman poked at Feury with one finger. The smaller man had completely passed out, slumped against the log, snoring quietly.

"Lightweight." Havoc smirked and finished off the bottle in his hand.

"Not a bad idea though," Al stood and stretched. "Might as well get some sleep before the sun comes up anyway!"

"What's the fun in that?" Havoc countered as Al moved a little ways off to his sleeping bag.

Al smirked back at them before he lay down. "I'll be able to look my wife in the eye with a convincing face tomorrow afternoon that 'doesn't' look like we spent the entire 'training mission' sampling your liquor cabinet."

Falman shrugged as he stood, slightly wobbly, and shifted Feury so the man wouldn't accidentally catch fire, then stepped out of the circle himself.

"Pansies," Havoc retorted again. "I thought you guys were real men! Maybe I 'should' have come out here with your wives instead."

"Now there's an idea," Roy laughed sharply. "If they didn't kill you for suggesting it, you'd be the luckiest, or unluckiest, man in Amestris."

"Unluckiest," Ed agreed as he got up to hit the sack himself. "Winry wouldn't kill him. She'd go for long, slow, painful torture and a massive concussion. Riza'd probably shoot him in the groin."

"Ass," Roy shook his head. "Definitely in the ass."

"Fitting," Breda smirked as he too yawned, then folded his hands on top of his stomach and closed his eyes, settling in to sleep.

"Someone out to put the fire out," Havoc commented hazily.

"That should be Roy's job," Ed stepped out of the circle and away from the heat.

"Hey, I start fires," Roy countered. "That doesn't make it my job to put them out."

"All right," Ed turned as he lay down on his bedroll. He clapped his hands together, and slapped the ground with one hand. Immediately a blanket of dirt rose up and slammed down onto the fire, smothering it in one shot. "Call it equivalent," he smirked into the sudden darkness.

"Hey!" Havoc complained loudly several seconds later. "I can't see where I put my cigarettes."

The comment was met with a grumbled disgruntled chorus of "Good 'night' Havoc!"


End file.
